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What does depression look like? It looks like me. My name is Terry Forsythe and not only do I suffer from clinical depression but I have spent my entire life hiding in shame; hiding because of society’s stigmas towards *depression; they can be *insensitive, *ignorant, and down right mean.

I have come to the sad realization that depression is one of the most misunderstood diseases; it is no different from Diabetes, Alzheimers, Alcoholism or Stigmatism; you are either born predisposed to it (genetic predisposition), a victim of circumstances (triggers), suffer from a chemical imbalance and/or many other factors that may come into play. The reality is, it is not a choice that one makes; depression is a disease that one has no control over; you don’t wake up and decide to be sad and lifeless, you just are.

The insensitive and/or ignorant people may say things like: “What the hell do you have to be sad about? Please, you don’t have any disease you are just in a funk. Don’t let the doctors put that in your head. You’re just going through a rough patch; it will pass. Suck it up, get over it, what kind of man are you; be a man. Just trust in God and you will feel better; come to church on Sunday. Don’t put that in your profile status, nobody wants to hear your gloom and doom stories. It is all about nutrition, if you eat the right foods and exercise, you’ll be fine; you don’t need medication. You are depressed because you have locked yourself up in your house; just get some fresh air. You just need some good sex.” Some may even laugh at you; literally. These individuals do not realize the severity of your disease; that it requires professional medical attention; that your words to them may actually be a cry for help. The mean people are like school bullies, their response is with the intent to hurt you. These people will gossip about you with anyone that will listen.

I was born defective and predisposed to many diseases and illness; the hospital gave my mother a drug while she was pregnant with me; my children also suffered with various medical problems as a result of that same drug; only one survived.

To those suffering from this disease I encourage you to begin your fight by coming out and seeking help; show your strength for seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Cast aside your fears of society’s stigmas. Accept that the mean people will throw it in your face at any given moment; they are mean by choice; you are depressed because you are ill; the mean person has just as much “mental issues” as you do if not more.

Remember that the insensitive and ignorant are simply that, most of the time they really don’t know any better and really mean well. Sometimes it is just their way of dealing with being uncomfortable with the subject at hand.

I have decided to “come out” to empower myself and others; I will no longer hide in shame because there is nothing to be ashamed of and no one worthy of hiding from.

Now that I have “Come out” with my depression, my friends and loved ones may now stare at me and wonder, is she here or just going through the motions; for this you must not worry. Worry when you see me driving towards a bridge while intoxicated. Worry when I no longer say I love you.  Worry when I do not return your phone calls or accept your invitations. Worry when I no longer tell jokes and dance at the parties. Worry when I no longer fulfill my passions. Worry when I no longer support you when you are down. Worry when I no longer comb my hair. Worry when I no longer care for my family or my home; worry when you see that I can no longer fight my disease…

My disease cripples me physically…

• I want to get things done but I just can’t; I am starving, my stomach hurts and my head is spinning but do you really think I can make it to the fridge? I just don’t have the energy.
• I am always tired; I function on 2-4 hours of sleep each and every day; my night is day and my day is night; damn insomnia.
• I know that I need to get that done but I can’t and yes I know the consequences are very serious if I don’t, but could you please just do it for me?

… no society, I’m not lazy, I’m not a procrastinator and I’m not a slave driver. No it is not just mind over matter. Do you know how much energy it takes for me to get up, get dressed and comb my hair? The mere thought of leaving the house overwhelms me; pray I don’t have an anxiety attack.

My disease emotionally numbs me…

• Sure I danced all night but that was my brain automatically responding to my favorite songs; I was simply going through the motions; I was emotionally detached from it all.
• Yes I was the center of attention at your get-together. Yes I had everybody in stitches, but deep down inside, I really wanted to go home and be alone; I’m often irritated when too many people are in my personal space or in my life; I prefer to be alone.
• Yesterday was a great day. Today I feel like I just want to die; I feel so sad and I don’t know why; I hope the sun comes out tomorrow because I am so very tired of crying.

… no society, I’m not trying to be the center of attention and I am not fake. I was actually working very hard to be in the moment; to be sociable. Do you know how that I deserved an award for that night out; realize that it has been 4-6 months since my last social gathering.

My disease puts me in mental slow motion…

• Sure I can build a website but do you know how many months prior to its execution I was planning on doing that? Did you know that each and every step literally took weeks or months to complete?
• Did you know this is supposed to be a DAILY blog site written solely by me; yes I keep trying to get back on track even though I know I may fail; again.
• I have to be self-employed. Who will hire me if I can’t complete a task within a given time frame; I have to go at my own pace; whatever that is.
• Were you still talking? Sorry, I blanked out. No you have to start over, I have no clue what you said and I am so easily distracted.
• I’m not saying I don’t know you I am saying I don’t remember you.

…no society, I’m not avoiding work; I’m actually a workaholic and an overachiever. No, I can not give you a deadline as to when I will be available. I get that you’re trying to work with me but you are not working with my brain.  No, I am not trying to be rude or play you for an fool but realize that I get very little sleep so concentrating is a task within itself. Hell most of the time I have no clue what day, month or year it is. As a matter of fact, I have no memory of my life from ages 1-10; the rest of my life is a total blur; please forgive my memory, or lack thereof.

My disease has my brain in intellectual overdrive…

• I lay awake at night with a thousand thoughts racing through my mind
• I excel at everything I do but I am easily bored by tasks, people, places, things; life in general can’t keep me entertained.
• I often have great difficulty in understanding when people speak; I’ll ask the same question in several different ways or state the same statement in several ways.

…no society, I don’t need to simply write them down. I don’t just need something constructive to do; properly channel all that energy. I am not trying to challenge your authority, I am not trying to be disruptive, I am not calling you a liar or trying to be disrespectful. I don’t just need to shut up and listen and no, I’m not trying to start an argument; I really don’t understand what you are saying; you lost me at hello.

Society, you say you are frustrated with me, well just imagine how I feel; when I’m depressed, each day is a challenge; within that day, I can go from happiness to overwhelming sadness all within a single hour. Each month is an accomplishment and each year that I live, worthy of an award to be hung on a mantle for the entire world to see.

Depression is far more complex than many realize and there are many types: Major Depressive Disorder (Major Depression, Clinical Depression), Dysthymic Disorder (Dysthymia), Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder), Post Partum Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), Anxiety Depression (panic disorder, social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder), Atypical Depression, Chronic Depression, Double Depression, Endogenous Depression, Situational Depression or Reactive Depression, Agitated Depression, Psychotic Depression, Melancholic Depression, Catatonic Depression.

If you suffer from depression and/or have experienced any of my symptoms, share this story with those who can’t imagine a day in your life; find the courage to tell someone that you are in deep emotional pain; do not try to manage your depression on your own; a doctor is best equipped to diagnose and recommend treatment if necessary. Treatments may include: Medication, psychotherapy, life skills, stress management skills, in home assistance and in severe cases, shock treatment and/or hospitalization.

If you know someone that suffers from depression take the time to support them in their journey by giving an ear when they need it. Support them by checking in on them from time to time; bring dinner and a movie.  Offer spiritual support if they so desire; there are organizations that specialize in psychotherapy for Christians; a combination of professional counseling and spiritual counseling, or you can try to find a Christian psychotherapist for your friend. Support them by continuing to include them in your activities even if they never attend. Show that you appreciate their efforts when they do call, come out, come over or invite you out; show and tell them you love them now, instead of at their funeral.

I encourage everyone to take the time to reach out to that person that has lost their job, their family, their home; anyone going through a difficult time; we have a responsibility to take care of each other. Share this with all your friends, family, health care establishments etc, anyone with young children or teens; you might save a life…

Famous People with depression and/or experienced suicidal ideation, tendencies, feelings, thoughts:

• Lady Diana Princess of Wales struggled with depression and eating disorders.
• Tyler Perry actor comedian suffered from depression and attempted suicide.
• Rodney Dangerfield was diagnosed with clinical depression; Dangerfield believed that it began early in his life due to a father who abandoned him and a mother whose cruel remarks made him feel worthless.
• Beyoncé Knowles singer suffers with Major Depression.
• Terrie Williams high profile publicist to the stars lives with Major Depression.
• Joe Budden hip hop singer suffers with Major Depression.
• Terry Bradshaw football great struggles with depression.
• Harrison Ford actor struggles with depression.
• Jim Carrey comedian struggles with depression.

Christians/ people in the Bible who had episodes of depression and/or committed suicide:

• King David “I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. …I groan because of the turmoil of my heart” (Psalm 38:6,8  – NKJV).
• Abraham (Genesis 15)
• Jonah (Jonah 4)
• Job (Book of Job)
• Elijah (1 Kings 19)
• King Saul (I Samuel 16:14-23, etc.)
• Jeremiah (Book of Jeremiah)
• David (Psalms 6, 13, 18, 23, 25, 27, 31, 32, 34, 37-40, 42-43, 46, 51, 55, 62-63, 69, 71, 73, 77, 84, 86, 90-91, 94-95, 103-104, 107, 110, 116, 118, 121, 123-124, 130, 138, 139, 141-143, 146-147)
• Abimelech (Judges 9:54)
• Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23)
• Judas Iscariot (Matthew 27: 5)
• Saul (1 Samuel 31:4)
• Saul’s armor-bearer (1 Samuel 31:4-6)
• Zimri (1 Kings 16:18)

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!” – Movie Quote from ‘Rocky Balboa’

*Depression: It is thought that depression is caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals. Depression is a serious illness.  It is very different from the common experience of feeling miserable or fed up for a short period of time. When you’re depressed, you may have feelings of extreme sadness that can last for a long time. These feelings are severe enough to interfere with your daily life, and can last for weeks or months, rather than days.

*Ignorant / Ignorance: Ignorance is the state in which one lacks knowledge, is unaware of something or chooses to subjectively ignore information. This should not be confused with being unintelligent, as one’s level of intelligence and level of education or general awareness are not the same…

*Insensitive: Not having normal physical feeling; not having normal emotional feelings, cold, tactless, undiplomatic.

Written by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Image Credit: Antoinette Forsythe by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Cleveland Prevue of the Week (Back cover of April 17-24, 1948) by Cleveland Prevue Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License, K.O. by Evil Erin Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.

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