I am going to share with you a series of dreams that occurred over a period of a few months; had I been skilled at the art of dream interpretation and their meanings, I would have known that they were in fact premonitions.  Feel free to share your interpretation or thoughts by posting a comment. In my next blog I will share the events that followed.

(1) Grandma’s Funeral – I had a dream that my paternal grandmother passed away. This was very strange because I had never met her and she had already passed. I was aware of her name, a few details, and not much more. At the funeral I cried and cried which was considered normal but what was odd, was my insistence on standing next to the coffin while the funeral director propped her into a sitting position, thus allowing someone to take a picture of us. The other thing that was odd was the overwhelming sadness I felt at the funeral given that I did not know her at all; I was all over her. I thought, how could she rest in peace with all my drama.

(2) The Shuttle – In this dream I was at College ABC and had to go to another campus. Even though it was ABC its location was now XYZ (downtown). I then had to board a shuttle of sorts (a shuttle that travels via rail above ground) to go to the campus; I remember looking down on the ground as we traveled high above the ground; the ride was quiet and smooth. There were many trees, the view was peaceful and beautiful. This dream was very short but it confused me because I never think of College ABC or XYZ, my thoughts are on GHI College; the college my son was planning on attending. Also none of these schools use this type of transportation to go from campus to campus. Lastly, I have never seen this type of transportation in real life. In fact I don’t even know if its called a shuttle.

(3) The Wedding – This dream occurred more than once with minor variations. I was attending the wedding of my best friend; I was the videographer. At some point she tells me that she does not really want to marry her fiancé and the wedding is canceled. In another variation the wedding occurs but I arrive at the last minute due to complications.

(4) Two homes – At least seven times I had this dream with minor variations.
I was living in a house and somehow I ended up being tied to two leases. In all versions I was confused as to how I was going to sort out the mess; how can I live in two places at once? I remember panicking about the rent that was due on the new home because I had no money. I remember trying to figure out how to move all my furniture into the new place; some things had to be left behind in trunks and in storage. In all versions I went to back to the storage or second home and tried to pack some things in my car; in all versions I had to leave many things behind; it was very upsetting to me. On all occasions I awoke very stressed as if it were really happening. I would think about it all day; why am I having this dream? Why over and over again!

Now once these dreams occurred they began to be realized and I continued dreaming; I will only tell you of one although it turned out those were premonitions as well.

Shark Attack – All I remember is this, I was being attacked by sharks; They were trying to break into my room; these sharks didn’t swim, they stood upright like men. The dream ended as I was awoken by my own screams and Elaine knocking on my bedroom door; she could hear me screaming from her room.

End of part 1; to be continued… – Click HERE to read Part 2

Written by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Image Credit:  premonition by Michele Diodati Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License.

You Might Be Addicted To Genealogy if…  (1) 95% of your Friends List are new relatives that you found on facebook; you love them dearly and can’t wait to meet them. Meanwhile for the average facebook user 80% of their friends list consists of people that found them; they don’t care for them much and have no desire to hook up.

(2) When someone in the family dies you’re pissed off because you didn’t get a chance to interview them. Everyone else is deeply saddened they didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

(3) You shamelessly joined this group for the sole purpose of finding more relatives.

(4) You can honestly say, “I knew a woman that had 20 children in 18 years; her husband fathered 3, her first cousin 1, her uncle 1 and the rest was her slave masters; all children had the same surname.”

(5) After a night of partying you tell your friends that your eyes are bloodshot, your head hurts, you feel nauseated and you are more confused now than the night before. All because you chose to skip the partying to go look at birth registry microfilm… for 5 hours!

(6) Everyone is dreading the upcoming family reunion because Milton who just got out of jail will be there; they feel its way too early to speak to him. They don’t want to say or do anything to upset him. You can’t wait to get there because you think no time like the present time to grill him about his grandparents.

(7) While your girlfriend is snooping through her friend’s friend list looking for hotties, you’re looking to see who shares your surname.

(8) After finding a hottie your girlfriend goes to google.com to check him out. You go to ancestry.com to check out his ancestors.

(9) You have at least on one occasion, stayed up all night trying to figure who the baby daddy was for someone’s gggm.

(10) While reading a tragic news story, you drop a tear or two and decide to start a movement to free the slaves; you forgot the paper is dated 1792.

(12) You joined the aviation group and you’re afraid of heights and would never fly a plane, but hey, the admin shares your surname; you might be related.

(13) While in a bar fight your friend shouts, “and your mama is on welfare!” You chime in, “yeah and your gggf… !”

(14) Your ailing grandmother is hospitalized. Everyone shows up with flowers, slippers and teddy bears. You show up with a tape recorder, notepad and a pen.

(14) Your ailing grandmother dies and everyone can’t wait for the Will to be read just so they can see the gold mine they’ve inherited. You can’t wait to dig through her photo albums, diaries, letters, heirlooms and old documents, then you want to see the Will only to see if grandma mentioned some relatives you might have not yet discovered; a genealogical goldmine.

(15) Every time you’re introduced to someone all you want to know is, “what’s your surname and what parish / country are you from.”

(16) You often nag your friends to interview their parents and grandparents, “before all that history is gone forever.”

(17) You often nag your friends and insist they make a Will because its important to keep all that property in the bloodline.

(18) Your friend tells you he just had a beautiful baby girl and .you think, “…another surname lineage shot to hell.”

(19) You’ve joined your surname facebook group, you have a facebook genealogy app and you are a member of more than three facebook genealogy groups.

(20) It wasn’t enough for you to join every genealogy site that exists, you had to go and start your own genealogy blog / website / faceboook group…

http://CaribbeanAncestry.com – Free Caribbean West Indies Indo-Caribbean Jamaican Family Search Genealogy Research Library

Written by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Image Credit: Addicted to Genealogy by CaribbeanAncestry.com Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Caribbean Ancestry by CaribbeanAncestry.com Copyright © All Rights Reserved.

Proverbs 1: 8-10 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.  They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.  My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them.

11 If they say, “Come along with us;
let’s lie in wait for someone’s blood,
let’s waylay some harmless soul;

12 let’s swallow them alive, like the grave,
and whole, like those who go down to the pit;

13 we will get all sorts of valuable things
and fill our houses with plunder;

14 throw in your lot with us,
and we will share a common purse”-

15 my son, do not go along with them,
do not set foot on their paths;

16 for their feet rush into sin,
they are swift to shed blood.

17 How useless to spread a net
in full view of all the birds!

18 These men lie in wait for their own blood;
they waylay only themselves!

19 Such is the end of all who go after ill-gotten gain;
it takes away the lives of those who get it.

Noun  1.    temptation – something that seduces or has the quality to seduce
enticement
influence – a cognitive factor that tends to have an effect on what you do; “her wishes had a great influence on his thinking”
forbidden fruit – originally an apple from the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden; it is now used to refer to anything that is tempting but dangerous (as sexuality)
bait, come-on, lure, sweetener, hook – anything that serves as an enticement
allurement – attractiveness; “its allurement was its remoteness”
2.    temptation – the desire to have or do something that you know you should avoid; “he felt the temptation and his will power weakened”
desire – the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state
3.   temptation – the act of influencing by exciting hope or desire; “his enticements were shameless”
enticement
influence – causing something without any direct or apparent effort
wheedling, blandishment – the act of urging by means of teasing or flattery
leading astray, leading off – the act of enticing others into sinful ways
seduction – enticing someone astray from right behavior
allurement, solicitation – the act of enticing a person to do something wrong (as an offer of sex in return for money)

entice definition
en·tice (en tīs′, in-)
transitive verb enticed -·ticed′, enticing -·tic′·ing
to attract by offering hope of reward or pleasure; tempt; allure

The Bible – Proverbs 1: 8-19 NIV, Image Credit: Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bing Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling Bling by prawnpie, Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 Generic

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates quote

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn’t change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It’s not just a river in Egypt, it’s a freakin’ ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it? – Meredith Baxter quote

If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a “fix” of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. -  Rob Stampfli quote

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names – John Fitzgerald Kennedy quote

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that.

Fast for Fear of Choking (You can’t refuse to do the thing you need to just because there is a slight chance to fail.) – Chinese Proverb quote

I may have my pride, but my pride does not have me.

A stiff apology is a second insult… The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. – G. K. Chesterton quote

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. Kimberly Johnson quote

I’ve never known any human being, high or humble, who ever regretted, when nearing life’s end, having done kindly deeds. But I have known more than one millionaire who became haunted by the realization that they had led selfish lives. – Barry C. Forbes quote

You can bend it and twist it… You can misuse and abuse it… But even God cannot change the Truth. – Michale Levy

Judge a person by their questions, rather than their answers. – Voltaire

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. – George Santayana

The coward calls the brave man rash, the rash man calls him a coward.

Try and fail, but don’t fail to try. How long should you try? Until.

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission. Mahatma Gandhi

My wisdom comes from my own personal experiences, my knowledge from the experiences of others; if it were the other way around I couldn’t trust myself. – Antoinette Forsythe

When thought becomes excessively painful, action is the finest remedy. – Salman Rushdie

We think too small. Like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view. — Mao Tse-Tung

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief. -Ecclesiastes

Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore. We have seen the future, and the future is ours. Cesar Chavez

Love is a decision – not an emotion.

Before enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. Zen Buddhist Proverb

Arguing with a fool proves there are two. Doris M. Smith

Men soon the faults of others learn. A few their virtues, too, find out. But is there one I have a doubt; Who can his own defects discern? Sanskrit Proverb

Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. 1 Chronicles 22:13

No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride

Are you not ashamed of caring so much for the making of money and for fame and prestige, when you neither think nor care about wisdom and truth and the improvement of your soul? Socrates

Image Credit: Philosophers Club by Thomas Hawk,  Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 Generic

Dream of April 17, 2010 – I was in a public washroom; it was bright, small but open, foul smelling and extremely dirty. In the first stall you could hear a man making sexual sounds; he was standing on the bowl leaning in the left corner; his head rested in his elbow. His stall door was closed.

In the second stall was his girlfriend, she made a mess of her stall. Or eyes met as she exited her stall.  She said, “Oh don’t mind him, he’s talking in his sleep.” I could see inside her stall, there were feces in and out of her bowl; it was overflowing.

In the third stall there was a woman on the floor, she was passed out; she looked pale and dead. Her door was closed.

The last stall had no door and no right wall; it was filthy as well. I really contemplated as to how desperate I was to even think of using it; I knew for sure I was not going to sit on it or touch anything.

As I stood there staring at it (trying to muscle up the nerve to use it), a couple walked in. They leaned on the wall on which the bowl rested; just a few feet away. I now focused my attention on the stall next to me, “Meth, you don’t know if up is down or down is up. Don’t worry, she’s not dead, and, you’re gonna have to use this stall, you don’t have a choice,” the woman said.

It did not appear they had any intention of giving me what little privacy there was; I pulled down my pants and urinated; I was on my menstrual cycle so there was a small amount of blood in the bowl. I wiped myself clean but did not flush; no one did.

As I finished I looked up at the stall next to me, I noticed the woman had climbed to the top of the stall door; she jumped. Her head split open; there was blood everywhere; she died.

Written by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Image Credit: 2 am. By mondi Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.

This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect identities.

Happiest When Wet
…I didn’t have time to debate the issue; I had to rush home for prayer-meeting with Maggie and Justin, the first of hopefully many to come. After the meeting Justin went back to his friend’s house. I told Maggie I’d walk her home because I really wanted to keep up with my daily walks, and I needed to buy some fruits.

Half way there I began to sweat and trust me, it really was not attractive. However, there was no need for worry, just in the distance there was a yard with a sprinkler. I ran over and stood under the sprinkler with my face looking up into the clouds; I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and drank and drank and drank. You would think I had just journeyed through the desert on bare foot during the worst heat wave; I thanked God for water, the hose, easy access to the lawn, and the fact that there were no chained hungry rabid dogs lurking about.

I let the water run over my face and hands and it felt so darn good. However, unbeknownst to me, it also wet the entire right side of my track pants and the crotch of my pants; great, we still had several blocks more to go, the sun had now begun to set so it wouldn’t dry in the next five minutes, and, I had to walk back home during rush hour along the main streets. We had a good laugh about it all, after all what else could I do but laugh at myself; I knew I hadn’t wet my pants and that’s all that mattered; so what if I looked like the poster child for Depend (Incontinence Undergarment Company).

We finally got to the store and in just a few minutes I purchased a variety of fruits. Maggie took nearly fifteen to look at every fruit, in every isle; touching, smelling, weighing and debating. In the end, she bought one lousy banana; hell, I could have given her one of mine! She decked with banana in hand and I gracefully clad in my wet pants and fruits galore; we decided to hang out for a bit. We stood on the corner of an intersection; it was part of a long strip laden with high end stores and Restaurants. It was a beautiful summer day so there was plenty of activity. I was enjoying all the excitement it had to offer; I did not know what it really had in store for us.

Nuts and Bolts
As we checked out the scenery a car pulled up a few feet away and parked; Maggie didn’t notice but I, I miss nothing. While Maggie was busy chatting away I was busy checking out the character stepping out the car. As he stepped out I gasped, “nuts and bolts!” Maggie immediately turned in my direction to see what all the commotion was about. Her body shook with disgust as if I said “let’s eat worms.” She mumbled under her breath as soon as he passed us, “Why’d you have to show me that?” “I didn’t show you,” I explained, “I couldn’t help but notice.”

The tall white man took his time in crossing the street in his skin tight (I can’t breathe) red not black bicycle shorts. He went into the pharmacy and all eyes were on him; we weren’t the only ones that took notice. A few minutes later he exited the pharmacy; a few minutes too soon as far as Maggie was concerned; for this time, she had front row seating to his little showing. Her body literally convulsed, “Oh, Dear, Lord,” she said at a snails pace. This time he crossed the street at a much slower pace; if that was even possible.

My eyes were fixated on his groin; I’m sure he knew all eyes were on him becasue suddenly for no apparent reason, he turned to the side and stood still for what seemed like an hour. The view was disturbing and we were all traumatized. He turned in our direction and headed straight for us. My eyes were still fixated on his groin as I was still in shock. I shook my head in disbelief and said, “I’m sure that’s illegal. Don’t you think? I mean really, it has got to be!” As he climbed back into his car and left, Maggie and I stared dumbfounded at each other. I finally exhaled and said, “Yep, there you have it, dick and balls, upfront and center for all the world to see; nuts, and bolts. Girl, I’m bringing Hammer Pants back!”

With those words I looked down and realized my pant crotch was still slightly wet; not really noticeable, but if you looked hard enough, you could see it. Then it hit me, what if he noticed? What if he thought he made them wet? I realized that his ‘thing’ had somehow put a spell on me; I was still a bit dazed. I had to get back to reality.

Be Cool
Maggie began chatting again. We chatted about our adventures on opposite sides of the globe; she had gone to England for two years and although she had been back about two years, we never had a chance to talk about it in depth; we had a lot to catch up on. By the time we finished swapping tales my pant had dried and my fruit bag was starting to feel heavy on my shoulders. I slowly placed my bag on the pavement between my feet and then with a great big sigh of relief, I began to stretch out my shoulders.

As I was coming out my stretches, I noticed a car parking right across from us; the driver was quite handsome and he really caught my eye; after the last driver, we were long overdue for some real eye candy. I flirtatiously shouted over to him, “Hey handsome. How are you doing today?” Maggie chuckled hysterically; she couldn’t believe that I could be so bold. He smiled back; a smile so wide I’m pretty sure I saw his tonsils. He blushed and quickly vanished into the corner store. “I can not believe you said that, girl you are too bold. I think you gave the poor man a heart attack,” she said as she continued to laugh. “Girl he was a fine looking man, shy as hell, but fine! The worst thing he could do is curse me and I would live after that.” I said smiling back at her.

Within a few minutes he came out of the store and got into his car. He then bent down as if he had dropped something. He then came back out with what looked like a pencil, walked over to the trunk and placed the small item into the trunk. Maggie quickly whispered, “Ooh girl, he just did that so you could get a second look”. He smiled at me and walked back without saying a word; we chuckled like two teenage girls. He got back into the driver’s seat and reached down on the floor again, this time he pulled out a large container of bottled water. As he began to sip its contents, he assumed the ‘gangsta lean’ position and turned up his stereo; which of course was playing rap music. “Can I get a drink?” I asked. My partner not associated with this crime quickly pointed out, “Kayla, he can’t hear you, his music is too loud.” “I know that. I would die if he answered,” I said rather shyly; revealing the fact that I’m really not ‘that’ bold. “I wonder how he’ll exit.” I whispered in her ear.

As soon as the words left my mouth he smiled at me and revved his engine. I smiled back at him and then Maggie and I faced the other direction. Although our backs were turned, his exist was loud and clear; it sounded as though he peeled off at lightening speed; screeeeeeech, urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, BOOOOOOM! There was a loud crash! My mouth dropped open and my body immediately fell to the pavement in deep despair; I sat on the curb with face cupped in my hands and almost wept; I felt sick inside. “No, no, no, no, no! This is all my fault! Oh no, no, no, no!” I cried out. “I shouldn’t have flirted, I shouldn’t; he was trying to impress me! Oh no! This is terrible!” I couldn’t stop repeating myself. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t and didn’t dare look. I could hear the crowds gathering all around me but it was all so surreal; I was in a dream-like state of mind and I could hear the chattering and all the questions being uttered; I, had all the answers.

“Kayla, it can’t be his car!” Maggie screamed at me in confusion. “Anyway, how is it your fault? We’ve had this talk. Stop talking responsibility for other people’s stupidity!” She said scolding me in her mother-daughter tone. “It ‘is’ my fault and it ‘is’ his car; I can feel it!” I insisted. Maggie looked over at the crash site and began to laugh hysterically, “Kayla, it’s not, his, car! He’s long gone; it’s a white car!” she shouted. I shouted back in agony, “His car ‘is’ white!”

Her laughter came to a sudden halt. She pulled me up and over towards the fence; I didn’t want to look but I knew I had to. Like two peeping Toms we peeped over. We immediately saw the white car door opening from the driver’s side. The man stepped out his car and shook his head in disbelief, he then turned and looked at us; it was him! There was no smile; he was expressionless. As he turned back to his car a tall white man came out of a restaurant; it was his car that was hit; they both inspected their vehicles without a word to each other.

The more I thought about it, the more it made no sense; how, why, for what? Certainly not for me! When I first saw him he was parked at the stop light; his car was first in line the corner. When he peeled off, it means he didn’t go straight, he made an immediate left turn; a turn unto a narrow road that has cars parked on both sides; you have to proceed slowly as not to hit any of the parked cars. Maybe he didn’t know that, but still. More shocked than Maggie, both drivers and I, were the restaurateurs; his car slammed into a parked car, the parked car was then pushed up and unto the sidewalk crashing into many table; at that table, there were restaurateurs.

Although I was deep in thought, I could hear Maggie cackling away in the background; she somehow still thought it was funny; I didn’t hear the joke, I didn’t get the punch line. “What an idiot, what a total idiot!” she said. “This could’ve been a really nice moment for you both, all he had to do was smile back and drive off like a normal human being; but nooooo! Kayla, his decision to do what he did had nothing to do with you; it was his choice and his choice alone. Think about it.” she said still chuckling. I thought about and then responded in agreement, “Yeah, you’re right, not even a NASCAR driver would’ve begun a race at 1000 miles an hour; his first move was an immediate right angle turn. I mean really, who would do such a thing?” “You see Kayla, that’s why I’m laughing.” She said. “It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen a man do.”

I continued looking over the fence analyzing the crowd that had gathered and said to her, “Maggie, this poor man picked the whitest block and the whitest restaurant to crash into. Not only that but it’s filled with the drunkest white people that will serve as witnesses when the police arrive. Maggie, this Negro is a dead man walking! I can’t even think of what to say or do to help him out.”

We decide it was time to leave; we had seen enough action to last a lifetime. As we walked down the street, we slyly looked to the left, I was silently hoping and praying he wouldn’t look back, but he did, and for the second time that day, time stood still; his eyes locked on mine; still without expression. I said nothing and I didn’t smile. I didn’t go over and offer to help. I didn’t wave. No matter what the reality was, I felt guilty; I honestly felt helpless and was deeply numbed by it all. As I walked home, I vowed never again to cool off under a sprinkler, never again to blame myself for the actions of another and, never again to flirt; but I know all too well, “Never say never.”

Written by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Image Credit: the answer to the question: Why are bike shorts always black? by iwishicoulddescribeitto youbetter Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 Generic, No Need 4 Speed by amandabhslater Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic, sprinkler fun by StormyDog Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.

What does depression look like? It looks like me. My name is Terry Forsythe and not only do I suffer from clinical depression but I have spent my entire life hiding in shame; hiding because of society’s stigmas towards *depression; they can be *insensitive, *ignorant, and down right mean.

I have come to the sad realization that depression is one of the most misunderstood diseases; it is no different from Diabetes, Alzheimers, Alcoholism or Stigmatism; you are either born predisposed to it (genetic predisposition), a victim of circumstances (triggers), suffer from a chemical imbalance and/or many other factors that may come into play. The reality is, it is not a choice that one makes; depression is a disease that one has no control over; you don’t wake up and decide to be sad and lifeless, you just are.

The insensitive and/or ignorant people may say things like: “What the hell do you have to be sad about? Please, you don’t have any disease you are just in a funk. Don’t let the doctors put that in your head. You’re just going through a rough patch; it will pass. Suck it up, get over it, what kind of man are you; be a man. Just trust in God and you will feel better; come to church on Sunday. Don’t put that in your profile status, nobody wants to hear your gloom and doom stories. It is all about nutrition, if you eat the right foods and exercise, you’ll be fine; you don’t need medication. You are depressed because you have locked yourself up in your house; just get some fresh air. You just need some good sex.” Some may even laugh at you; literally. These individuals do not realize the severity of your disease; that it requires professional medical attention; that your words to them may actually be a cry for help. The mean people are like school bullies, their response is with the intent to hurt you. These people will gossip about you with anyone that will listen.

I was born defective and predisposed to many diseases and illness; the hospital gave my mother a drug while she was pregnant with me; my children also suffered with various medical problems as a result of that same drug; only one survived.

To those suffering from this disease I encourage you to begin your fight by coming out and seeking help; show your strength for seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Cast aside your fears of society’s stigmas. Accept that the mean people will throw it in your face at any given moment; they are mean by choice; you are depressed because you are ill; the mean person has just as much “mental issues” as you do if not more.

Remember that the insensitive and ignorant are simply that, most of the time they really don’t know any better and really mean well. Sometimes it is just their way of dealing with being uncomfortable with the subject at hand.

I have decided to “come out” to empower myself and others; I will no longer hide in shame because there is nothing to be ashamed of and no one worthy of hiding from.

Now that I have “Come out” with my depression, my friends and loved ones may now stare at me and wonder, is she here or just going through the motions; for this you must not worry. Worry when you see me driving towards a bridge while intoxicated. Worry when I no longer say I love you.  Worry when I do not return your phone calls or accept your invitations. Worry when I no longer tell jokes and dance at the parties. Worry when I no longer fulfill my passions. Worry when I no longer support you when you are down. Worry when I no longer comb my hair. Worry when I no longer care for my family or my home; worry when you see that I can no longer fight my disease…

My disease cripples me physically…

• I want to get things done but I just can’t; I am starving, my stomach hurts and my head is spinning but do you really think I can make it to the fridge? I just don’t have the energy.
• I am always tired; I function on 2-4 hours of sleep each and every day; my night is day and my day is night; damn insomnia.
• I know that I need to get that done but I can’t and yes I know the consequences are very serious if I don’t, but could you please just do it for me?

… no society, I’m not lazy, I’m not a procrastinator and I’m not a slave driver. No it is not just mind over matter. Do you know how much energy it takes for me to get up, get dressed and comb my hair? The mere thought of leaving the house overwhelms me; pray I don’t have an anxiety attack.

My disease emotionally numbs me…

• Sure I danced all night but that was my brain automatically responding to my favorite songs; I was simply going through the motions; I was emotionally detached from it all.
• Yes I was the center of attention at your get-together. Yes I had everybody in stitches, but deep down inside, I really wanted to go home and be alone; I’m often irritated when too many people are in my personal space or in my life; I prefer to be alone.
• Yesterday was a great day. Today I feel like I just want to die; I feel so sad and I don’t know why; I hope the sun comes out tomorrow because I am so very tired of crying.

… no society, I’m not trying to be the center of attention and I am not fake. I was actually working very hard to be in the moment; to be sociable. Do you know how that I deserved an award for that night out; realize that it has been 4-6 months since my last social gathering.

My disease puts me in mental slow motion…

• Sure I can build a website but do you know how many months prior to its execution I was planning on doing that? Did you know that each and every step literally took weeks or months to complete?
• Did you know this is supposed to be a DAILY blog site written solely by me; yes I keep trying to get back on track even though I know I may fail; again.
• I have to be self-employed. Who will hire me if I can’t complete a task within a given time frame; I have to go at my own pace; whatever that is.
• Were you still talking? Sorry, I blanked out. No you have to start over, I have no clue what you said and I am so easily distracted.
• I’m not saying I don’t know you I am saying I don’t remember you.

…no society, I’m not avoiding work; I’m actually a workaholic and an overachiever. No, I can not give you a deadline as to when I will be available. I get that you’re trying to work with me but you are not working with my brain.  No, I am not trying to be rude or play you for an fool but realize that I get very little sleep so concentrating is a task within itself. Hell most of the time I have no clue what day, month or year it is. As a matter of fact, I have no memory of my life from ages 1-10; the rest of my life is a total blur; please forgive my memory, or lack thereof.

My disease has my brain in intellectual overdrive…

• I lay awake at night with a thousand thoughts racing through my mind
• I excel at everything I do but I am easily bored by tasks, people, places, things; life in general can’t keep me entertained.
• I often have great difficulty in understanding when people speak; I’ll ask the same question in several different ways or state the same statement in several ways.

…no society, I don’t need to simply write them down. I don’t just need something constructive to do; properly channel all that energy. I am not trying to challenge your authority, I am not trying to be disruptive, I am not calling you a liar or trying to be disrespectful. I don’t just need to shut up and listen and no, I’m not trying to start an argument; I really don’t understand what you are saying; you lost me at hello.

Society, you say you are frustrated with me, well just imagine how I feel; when I’m depressed, each day is a challenge; within that day, I can go from happiness to overwhelming sadness all within a single hour. Each month is an accomplishment and each year that I live, worthy of an award to be hung on a mantle for the entire world to see.

Depression is far more complex than many realize and there are many types: Major Depressive Disorder (Major Depression, Clinical Depression), Dysthymic Disorder (Dysthymia), Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder), Post Partum Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), Anxiety Depression (panic disorder, social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder), Atypical Depression, Chronic Depression, Double Depression, Endogenous Depression, Situational Depression or Reactive Depression, Agitated Depression, Psychotic Depression, Melancholic Depression, Catatonic Depression.

If you suffer from depression and/or have experienced any of my symptoms, share this story with those who can’t imagine a day in your life; find the courage to tell someone that you are in deep emotional pain; do not try to manage your depression on your own; a doctor is best equipped to diagnose and recommend treatment if necessary. Treatments may include: Medication, psychotherapy, life skills, stress management skills, in home assistance and in severe cases, shock treatment and/or hospitalization.

If you know someone that suffers from depression take the time to support them in their journey by giving an ear when they need it. Support them by checking in on them from time to time; bring dinner and a movie.  Offer spiritual support if they so desire; there are organizations that specialize in psychotherapy for Christians; a combination of professional counseling and spiritual counseling, or you can try to find a Christian psychotherapist for your friend. Support them by continuing to include them in your activities even if they never attend. Show that you appreciate their efforts when they do call, come out, come over or invite you out; show and tell them you love them now, instead of at their funeral.

I encourage everyone to take the time to reach out to that person that has lost their job, their family, their home; anyone going through a difficult time; we have a responsibility to take care of each other. Share this with all your friends, family, health care establishments etc, anyone with young children or teens; you might save a life…

Famous People with depression and/or experienced suicidal ideation, tendencies, feelings, thoughts:

• Lady Diana Princess of Wales struggled with depression and eating disorders.
• Tyler Perry actor comedian suffered from depression and attempted suicide.
• Rodney Dangerfield was diagnosed with clinical depression; Dangerfield believed that it began early in his life due to a father who abandoned him and a mother whose cruel remarks made him feel worthless.
• Beyoncé Knowles singer suffers with Major Depression.
• Terrie Williams high profile publicist to the stars lives with Major Depression.
• Joe Budden hip hop singer suffers with Major Depression.
• Terry Bradshaw football great struggles with depression.
• Harrison Ford actor struggles with depression.
• Jim Carrey comedian struggles with depression.

Christians/ people in the Bible who had episodes of depression and/or committed suicide:

• King David “I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. …I groan because of the turmoil of my heart” (Psalm 38:6,8  – NKJV).
• Abraham (Genesis 15)
• Jonah (Jonah 4)
• Job (Book of Job)
• Elijah (1 Kings 19)
• King Saul (I Samuel 16:14-23, etc.)
• Jeremiah (Book of Jeremiah)
• David (Psalms 6, 13, 18, 23, 25, 27, 31, 32, 34, 37-40, 42-43, 46, 51, 55, 62-63, 69, 71, 73, 77, 84, 86, 90-91, 94-95, 103-104, 107, 110, 116, 118, 121, 123-124, 130, 138, 139, 141-143, 146-147)
• Abimelech (Judges 9:54)
• Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23)
• Judas Iscariot (Matthew 27: 5)
• Saul (1 Samuel 31:4)
• Saul’s armor-bearer (1 Samuel 31:4-6)
• Zimri (1 Kings 16:18)

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!” – Movie Quote from ‘Rocky Balboa’

*Depression: It is thought that depression is caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals. Depression is a serious illness.  It is very different from the common experience of feeling miserable or fed up for a short period of time. When you’re depressed, you may have feelings of extreme sadness that can last for a long time. These feelings are severe enough to interfere with your daily life, and can last for weeks or months, rather than days.

*Ignorant / Ignorance: Ignorance is the state in which one lacks knowledge, is unaware of something or chooses to subjectively ignore information. This should not be confused with being unintelligent, as one’s level of intelligence and level of education or general awareness are not the same…

*Insensitive: Not having normal physical feeling; not having normal emotional feelings, cold, tactless, undiplomatic.

Written by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Image Credit: Antoinette Forsythe by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All Rights Reserved, Cleveland Prevue of the Week (Back cover of April 17-24, 1948) by Cleveland Prevue Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License, K.O. by Evil Erin Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.