She said, “To err is human, to forgive divine. To forget is something I consider on a case to case basis; there are many occasions where I have forgiven and forgotten, however, if the individual still exhibits the past characteristics and will be an active part of my life, I remain vigilant; I don’t forget.”

He said – No! You can’t do that! You have to forget! That’s the whole point of forgiveness. If you are still holding on to the past then that isn’t forgiving. That’s so unfair to that person. That means you are being a hypocrite.

She said – I am a believer in the Bible and I don’t know of any passage in the Bible that tells me to forget. I choose to learn from the past and that may require that I do not forget that someone could still hurt me. It’s not unfair to that person! They must accept the consequences of their behaviour; they must accept that some people may not ever trust them again and I think that if their behaviour hasn’t changed, they shouldn’t be fully trusted.

He said – No! You have to give people a chance! You can’t hold the past over them! You have to forget! No one is perfect! The Bible says to forgive and forget!

She said – Let me give you an example of what I mean. As a child, two men in my family abused me, in one scenario I remembered vividly what had taken place. My mother later told me that since then, he had become saved. In the second scenario, I couldn’t remember what had happened at all, but I knew that he had abused me.

There came a time when I had to face them both. I went to the home of the first and as our eyes met, a peace came over me; I could see that this was not the same man that I knew as a child. He was different! In that moment, I completely forgave him and forgot about the past. I then had a lovely evening with him and the family. Over the years we kept in touch and when he died I cried. Remember, in this scenario, I had a vivid memory of the past.

When I met with the second (of whom I had no memory of the events), the moment I saw him I was overcome with a sick feeling in my stomach. He walked over to me with a smirk on his face. He then hugged me and squeezed my bottom; his behaviour was inappropriate and very disrespectful. The last time this man saw me I was but a child of only 10 years; this meeting was 22 years later. In that moment I decided to forgive him and to pray for him. However, because he had not changed his ways, I did not allow myself to forget the past thus opening the door for him to hurt me again and I did not maintain a friendship. A few years after my visit, he did the same to another family member during her visit. In spite of it all, I don’t hate him and I still pray for him. I also pray that one day I can forget.

He Said – I still think you are wrong. You are already making a decision that they’re never going to change. You have to give them a chance to change.

She said – Sorry but I don’t owe such people anything. I think in these circumstances “to forget is foolish.”

Now that you have listened in on a conversation, consider my dilemma…

The Bible says, “forgive as I have forgiven you.” So does God want us to forgive and forget in all cases even if it renders us as open prey for the wicked? Are we capable of forgiving on the same level as the Lord; he is perfect and we are not. According to the Bible did God really forget and forgive?

Written by Antoinette Forsythe Copyright © All rights Reserved, Image Credit: IMG_0211 by Nick Skitch Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License, Slavery Museum by timbrauhn Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License, Jewish victims of the Nazi holocaust during World War 2 in Public Domain.

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